I just need to let this out. Although I am happy here, I feel like something is not making me feel happy. Is it my sensitive always self conscious. Whenever I watch nk being so friendly with the kids and staff, it makes me feel a little worried that Im not doing well enough. I was chosen for a reason but i feel like i hvnt make a mark for it yet. I kept telling myself its because I was late by 6 months so im sure others would understand. but that's not an excuse, I feel like im missing so much bond with the kids or the teachers, it makes me feel so worried. I also kept telling myself, right now I should be more worried about my upcoming arrival of my newborn in 2 and a half months time, also something others would understand. and that I can always restart later. again another lapse of missing so much catch up time with the kids, whats more if i do take extention leave, its going to be another year and same thing restarting in mid year. although bn did mention im doing a good job, i donno in what sense, maybe he just saying when i did mention my challenge with wyn and astn. sometimes it makes me feel afraid to be approach someone and be friendly. I always hold back and sometimes miss the chance, I had great ideas, but i didnt voice out. i donno how to be more confidence and step up. maybe thats why. all these years in mt had me down, low self esteem, low self confidence, eventhough i know i can and im good. I just need to feel successful about something at work then i will feel confidence, or good. mayb i start thinking about my room first. yea. that might help.