Feeling upset. How others can be nominated for caring award when they are barely new. When they are socially loud. When these people dont really know the real deal about them. Upset. No recognition even in my last few months left. Upset. I feel lost. Now that even my own boss is leaving. The only person who knpws what im doing . Who else will stand up for me? I guese i better do up my strategy to be recognised in new sch. Knowing my future boss is a complete blur. Upset.

Ive been doing ot of self reflection lately. More so about my poor communication skills and social abilities. This is something i worry about because i don have a sense of humour, i dont talk smart, i dont inspire others, im plain boring. Sometimes i want to be heard, but felt like nobody is listening. Sometimes i day dream about i could talk wisely and have people nodding thier heads in agreement. So this post is about listing what i want to say vs what other people what to hear? I guese people what to hear something inspiring and funny experiences. It have them frame this impression of you and is somehow remembered because of what inspired them or funny it was. Reflecting back from my few contacts from departmental sharing or sch leaders i felt that i share what i want to heard, but more like doesnt necessarily answer the question. I think i have alot of that. I hear ur questions. But i want to be heard first you know. At times my processing of thoughts are kind of slow where i wan to say something but the person hv moved on another topic. Then its too late for me to contribute anything. I dont know if this has to do with anything about me being slow in warming up or easily conscious about what other people thinks about me. Just easier to talk to some people but not all. I could talk well and be myself with people im comfortable with. Like when i told sh how i felt like i was neither here nor there and feeling lost. Then after that it was eaay to open up and learn about yap tendencies. These are the kind of conversationa im aiming for. Of coz the round robins ones are a killer because its always an absolute killer waiting for your turn and think about what to say. I guese now for a start i could think of what others inpires about me and note down funny experiences to share

I need to assess this person. Cant help but feeling im always being put down whenever i talk to him. Like during the round robin when i was stuck with the question on cce, being a lead, i think he should prompt me if i appear to be nervous or anxious right. Then when i shared about sno n previous sch n playgroup die tak mcm pre phase what i said or pakai balik. Then during the presentation  when i ask why my name was not there. Ade dia cakap straight into my face that I'm not confirm yet. Sakit seh hati dengar macamtu. Worst thing is... he is my boss! How to work with someone like this? When i ask him about supporting transition pupils pon die mcm give that aura like, u dont do anything until i tell you u can do it. Must follow processes everything. Must check with school leaders first. Susah lah kerja mcm gini. I think lsp also mcm get that vibe must find out before sch open. Takkan nak wait until sch open. Nasib vp ckp the asd kids dah ok and she already spoken to the parents. Ishh... first question to ask P. How is he like? How is his working style like? And how best to work with him.

misplaced literally

I'm feeling misplaced literally. Is it my fault that the schools dont communicate amongst themselves regarding my release date? Mungkin ade hikmahnya. Mungkin if i do voice out and both schools could not come to terms then i would not be able to be transfered. So takpe. Kuasa allah. Allah taallah jer yg tau how much i prayed for it and wanted it. Sometimes my quiet nature can be a blessing at times. I just need to continue having faith in him and be close to him because only he knows whats best for me.

First Time at new school

Words cannot describe how thankful I was to finally be free. Although there were little things like space issues, i think nothing beats an understanding principal who tales care of our concerns and needs. I've easily made some friends and i think im going to like it being pionneer staff. I know i have to careful and not make the same mistakes at mee toh esp when it comes to social issues. As being introvert, can be tough. But having one friend is enough. But i notice i tend to be quiet ans shut down to some. Esp when i feel intimidated and afraid. I become super conscious. Then i start to doubt myself. Thatz where i think i sound stupid and i just want to stay quiet throughout the conversation. But its easy once i feel comfortable, i remembered their facts and take not of thier likes and dislikes to be able to connect them better. Maybe i should do that more to people i shut pff to? Like ken and Melissa. Just be myself. Get to know them a little more, like how i do with nora and hanisah. But more then that im happy with where im heading alhamdulillah. Only that i cant help being the quiet self when faced with a problem. 2. One is how is pcps going to talk to mts about hving an earlier release date. And two my room i require classroom needs like visulizer and projector