Night Safari

I always hated it when my weekends is spent by myself. I guess I was afraid my depression would come creeping in again which will in turn effects my whole week. Weekends is how I'd like to recharge my happy and be sane. I was upset knowing that this weekend is it. But having a wonderful husband who sacrificed his time from work, for the last minute date night was priceless. (can't help feeling guilty it may result in him being scolded by his boss though) I just wanted a memory to counter my stressful week, while sustaining my sanity. I guess I really worked hard for making it possible. I pushed myself in finding my happy. (from last post) but I hope next time not to the extend of troubling others please. But we had an awesome romantic time. Picnicing during the animal show. Cuddling in the breeze of the tram. And some fearful episodes of having animals so close to you. Sigh... Love this kind of experience. It makes me more in control of my life. Nobody owesvmy happy except myself. More of this kind of happy to keep me going in this job!

My Happy At Home

Last night was the straw I could stand with myself being myself. I can't help being sensitive about my emotional self. Learning about extroverts helps alot. Alot to just think about my priorities for once! I was able to rethink about my happy and decided this is it. I understand now what it takes to sacrifice for my own happy. Ditch thinking about others and trying to make others happy. This time has change! What happened yesterday makes me realised happiness is to seek, to force own self to do it, to be found later that it's not that bad. Break from the old boring routines! Change! Do things that makes you happy. That's the only way to beat your depression! Care for yourself first before you care for others. Love yourself first before you love others. Peace!

Introvert

I've been interested on the topic of introverts extroverts and ambivert. So I've been self observing and self learning about what makes or breaks my mood and tried to figure out why. I realised I'm somewhat a severe introvert. In addition to my depression, my moods haywired. So sometimes it's hard to figure out why I'm in an irritable mood of tears when I had my alone time earlier. I tried to experiment various ways, like, having all the way active time and alone time in the end. The result, worst as I regress into tears and lots of pain. I also reflected when I was young, how did I survived. I usually had a routine of TV and later quiet plus darkness at the end of the day. Ironically I hated talking to my boyfriend then. I didn't want to hear myself talk. That's my introvertness telling myself. It's quite time now.

I had to figure a balance to survive this depression cum severe introvertness. Now that I'm married with a child. The routines doubled or tripled more, so how am ever going to find alone time to recover my severe introvertness?

Do I need to change, and adapt to changes? I think that's a bad idea because it did cause me to be more depressed. Of course talking to my husband an extrovert did not help. Because let's face it extroverts dont understand introverts and vice versa. He did gave the suggestion to change and adapt to changes. I hv doubts about that.

I think I do wana learn and read up more about extroverts. Especially on why do they need to talk and make others laugh. Why they feel weird if it's too much quiet? Sometimes I also wondered how do end up falling in love and marrying an extrovert?  Or wells...