Motivation

I realised I haven't been much living. I've also been killing my brain cells for not using them much. Gosh. Must be my addiction, or rather obsession with my handphone. Kinda useless really. Facebook, Instagram, carousels, Q10. Time to do things without the handphone. I love the time I work up in the wee hours before work to read newspaper while having oats. I read somewhere it helps the happy hormones as well. Only problem is. After marriage no newspapers get sent right at the doorstep. It's too easy to sleep early at night but so difficult to wake early for this. Hopefully once this kick in. I could also do the treadmill early morning. Hmzz but it's gonna be noisy waking others up.

Side tracked, new goal, weigh 70kg before the new job. Possible? My problem has always been motivation.  Once I start something it's difficult to stay with it. When something turns me down  it attacks me hard and it's tough to get up again. That's me. I'm still trying how to change this.

Sweet retribution

Yesterday another war broke out. It doesn't involve me of course but I was there to witness it. Wow! Of course I'm the type who would stay away from conflicts. But she... Bravo... can really go all out to destroy him. She was detailed and damn factual. Whereas he was judgemental and negative. Who wants to listen to that crap. Just one word for him. Backstabber! And now everybody witness it. Childish maybe, but everyone see your true colours now. I don't have to show anything. It's evidentfull.  This is what I call sweet retribution :)

Stay Away From Them

I learned to always be wary of others especially if you know they feedback to boss often. It's not safe feeling as if you are being spy-on all the time. I thought of being nice because I empathize to the fact that he would be under a lot of pressure after hearing about my news to transfer out. Which means a lot of handover work! And boy did he freaked out! He is the kind who don't handle pressure or stress very well. He would blow up and tell on others. Which is sad because me the quiet on always have to solve his mess! And worst that he never acknowledged that. I don't understand personalities of this nature. It's complicated. And I am very relieve that I will soon not work with him anymore. Of course the school thinks that it's personal reasons but most importantly I got out! Yet still able to move on doing what I love. I think I have been super clever about how to. Being quiet has its advantages. A thinker, careful speaker. And baam! Sooner or later I be out! I just need to think about how to last this 8 months here. Let's just prioritize in transition and handover work, of course I like the thought of him spying and worrying whenever he sees me packing and emptying my cupboards. I know he reports every single tiny thing to boss. Because boss seem to ask me a lot of questions that she never had. Hmzz... suspicious but so evidently possible.

That being that said. Over lunch we spoke about another college who seemed to match each and every personality he has. Interestingly it's a she. And also in favor of the SLs. Interested to know how they turned out, esp if they can't work under pressure, yet is a popular favourite... hmzz?

New school new future.

I can't wait for me to start work there. What better way for me to withstand this last 6 months is how am I going to succeed there socially. Socially is something that I need to learn  from as it doesn't come naturally for me. And I'm usually judged as sombong, selfish. What I wish to be viewed as is someone friendly, helpful, advisor, loyal and giving. So I thought I used this blog to reflect on how and what to do to achieve such status, before someone else takes over me.

My Workstation
1. I noticed that having snacks or food on my own workstation helps to attract people to socialise.
2. Having fun photos of friends or family tells others that you are friendly and sociable
3. Posters or information about special needs tells others that you are approachable and likes to give advise
4. Quotes corner tells others that you are highly motivated
5. Stock up on things that others might need in emergency; panadol, menses pad, tissue, telekung
6. Open up space for prayer if conducive

Spokesperson
1. Muslim welfare like prayer room, facilities, or food
2. Care group for all counselling, lsp/lsm

Car
1. Volunter to use for transport of sch events like teachers day or function
2. Invite to sent home if along the way

Social Media - Facebook, installation
1. Photos of colleudges
2. Thanking them publicaly with photo if given gifts
3. Happy photos of u at works
4. Photos of ur room and kids in it
5. Invite them to family events and post photos of them, hari raya open house
6. Tag them articles that interest them or reminds you of them

Whatsaap group
1. Buy their advertised food or things like kuih raya and baju
2. Post funny or inspirational photos to make their day
3. Wish them happy birthday
4. Empathise and show concern
5.

popular
1. Prep before staff workshops
2. Volunter in sharing or embarrassing urself something many choose not to do
3. Speak up and angkat others? Like ur boss maybe
4. Be involved in photos, websites or anything staff or work related

How will I survive last 6 months?

It's been awhile since I last blogged. I've been going through a tough depressing time last few weeks or so. It's been tough going through open posting exercise. A mixed roller coaster ride of emotions. Ups and downs.  Really crazy! Well to sum up, I've done so many things to try my luck to get out of this hell hole, including applying for other jobs and applying for transfer as well as increase chances to conceive so to extend my nopayleave and eventually get out. As u see, I'm very desperate. I'm going all out to help change my environment to manage my depression better. So alas, I've been shortlisted for interviewes to transfer school and was offered a job there. The only problem is, release date will only be 6 months later!! Freaking 6 months!! Sigh what am I going to do to survive this depression. Honestly I don't know. But I do know it's going to be tough. It appears there's new programs and processes to do in 2016. Sigh... And the reason I'm out is because I hated dealing with processes, I prefer pupil focus, like teaching and strategy based. Gosh I keep asking myself, should I do the bare minimum? Or should I go all out and be worn-out again? While I was reading articles online, the later would be better. But having much thought about it, will I be appreciated?  All these years my hardworking was not appreciated and identified. It's always been him. And his work who defines it all. Never mine. So even if I do all out? And later be criticised when I'm gone. Is it all worth it? Because he is narcissism and he would do that. No matter how my boss is quite aware of that. It's weird that the trainee brought this up to my boss, but my boss never really checked on me if it was true as I was the mentor. Well enough about all this. I just want to look forward into the future. As I know the change of environmen will surely help my depression. Let's take one day at a time shall we. No need to prove anything to anyone.