Ive realised only now that ive turn quite cold and negative on my conversations with others. Its weird that most conversations ends up with j or j. I dont like to think to talk about them. But when i do i try hard to defend myself and talk negatively about someone or the sch. I guess this few months of waiting is damaging me slowly killing me. I need to face up. I need to find a new purpose in serving my countdown so i wont feel so hard up and be a changed new better me before i start there. Ive always had lunches alone. Im nervous about who i eat with. I wish to be more humble. To be more positive and enthusiastic about what i learnt or others learnt from the past no matter how painful or difficult. I need to do some rethinking about my happiness.