I noticed my photos looked ugly. I hated the way I look. I hated the way I smiled. I hated how my body looked. As if the camera hates me. As if the camera is my enemy. I wonder if this portrays the hardship I've been through this year. All the sadness, depression, and loneliness. I admit I forgot the meaning of being happy. I am still socially deprived. Sometimes I wish I am socially active. Sometimes I shut everyone out. Nobody understands this shyness I have. Wondered what's the cause. Is it how my parents brought me up? Or maybe it's marriage transition that's killing me slowly inside, psychologically. Supposed to be happily married. I am happy. But something else ain't balancing it out right. It's only work. I forgot what it feels like to be happy with life. Always wish I could turn back time. No idea how lonely it is. I guess it's all link; sadness, loneliness, shyness, and shutting people out. Dear me please let people in. Please allow some social care. Open up don't be too conscious. Don't be too rude either. Start with being happy first. Chiaoz.
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