Self Realisation

Today I created this book to acknowledge that I may hv depression caused from work stress. Typically I would hv sleepless nights worrying about work, how I'm not good enough, worthless and worst of all helpless. I always thought I've got a job that I love, time to settle down, and it would be the same anywhere. I was wrong. I kept giving myself chances again and again, to a point where I'm in too deep. I'm stuck. I suddenly realise this place is not for me and I must move on. I know  I use to love it, but this love will not come back like it used to. I am determined this time that it is time to move on no matter how much I hate changes. This depression is too much. I worry, I get overly anxious, I get too emotionally unsound. I even stray away from my faith. It was scary as if I don't care anymore. As if I wish I could dissappear from this earth. I give up, I won't speak up to defend myself, I hated myself, I hated my body. I hated that I cannot be assertive when I needed to especially when I know I'm not in the wrong. I gained weight. I gv up my motivation to change that. I hv no friends. I always stay away because I don like people to know me, I don't want to exist. On bad days im overly anxious about what others think of me, judging me, comparing me. Now is more prominent with new . It just kill me because he is loud and everybody seem to like him better then me. I don feel respected as someone more experience. I felt misplaced. Don belong. I hv no idea what I did wrong in my transfer. I hv no idea I had a d grade just for defending my rights. EP tried to help.me but it got him in trouble instead. I'm confused. I donno how to go on. It just taunts me Everytime I need to sleep. I will be up for hours worrying thinking helplessly. I need help.