Push people away?

I know people say I tend to push people away or shut people out. But I hv no idea how I do it. Yesterday's major social session. Aka my dau's birthday session, help me realise exactly how. Before this I have practice empty talks and starting conversations to help break the ice of guessowhom I never met before.which I did. And a good improvement in my social anxiety and shyness Alhamdulillah. Like one youtuber used to say I have to practice being comfortable in uncomfortable situations. But somehow at the end of the session where I've been reminding myself it's closing time. It's all over soon, more guest came! I was abit overwhelmed and I turn to an auto shutdown mood. That's where I think I start to be abit cold towards others shut them out and pushing them.away. I purposely choose to be alone, pretending to pack the desserts, some guest came to me, most probably wanting to take some desserts. I think I made afoul face, I was quiet and houling space. Mistake. Some guests tried to make empty conversations with me asking about nearby props I made and how their son loves minion. I reply with just an acknowledgement. I mean come on Yati, here's your chance you know you are good at it. You can make them laugh. Entertain them. I also wasn't very attentive about what's going around me
 I think I know some hats where missing g but I was afraid to retrieve it back nicely. It takes higher level social skills but I donno. Other guests are looking.

There's also another situation where I tried convincing guest to stay as we are curling cake soon. Then after that I was numbed. I dono.what to do next. In my mind I was thinking what are still doing here. Go la. But I could hv ask then to take position behind cake table. Or even ask them choose props. Mum could help too right. What's wrong w me.

In a way it's good that I've came to a stage of my social anxiety cum shyness problem to actually act upon it. More like being an observer and reflect upon my mistakes. What I did good and how to do better. I'm proud to say. Well done of myself. There are goods and bad points but I have to say I improve alot from the last major social thingy also her birthday.

Perhaps next time, I could try to have an eagle's eye perspective on having to pay attention to everything. Having to walk around, here there, everywhere, and not just localise myself at the cake deco doorgifts station. Where's all the children? Are they having fun? The mums and dads can help out too. Do the guests have enough seats? If they have to relocate after eating to make way for other guests, do I apologise for the inconvenience? Is the space for eating clean and appropriate for them? Welcoming new guests? Going off guests, did I entertain them? Do I apologise for being busy and not able to entertain them? Minta maaf kalo tak terlayan, maklumlah, sibuk sikit. Have I say tank you and give them token of appreciation as doorgifts. Also for children as well. Who is suppose to do that? Me Abang or Mak? Do I need to ask Mak if it's ok to give, because she controls the number? Do I need to assure her that it's enough? Cut cake session, how do I announce to start?


It's alot on taking care of people hearts. Making sure they don't feel sad or angry or scared or any other negative feelings. Alot like sims2 game. It's like a catching up game.

Also how do I take time for myself, like having healthy short shutdown periods to rest from my social anxiety and shyness. Perhaps setting time every 20mins I will take 10mins to do other things. Like checking the food supply, is it heated, do they need topping up? Or like spend this time with Qistina tickle her make her laugh, which usually perks me up. Checking the deco. Is something falling off? Checking supply of doorgifts for adult and children is it enough? Do I need to ration? Excuse to go toilet. Or sent Qistina to toilet. Having exchanges with abg is good too if I'm ok it. If it adds pressure then don't.